HOW TO WORK ON ATTACHMENT ISSUES

Our attachment style becomes developed in childhood, at a time when we need parents who are well regulated themselves, and able to attune to their child, to be able to regulate emotionally. Attunement is when the parent is able to 'get' their child's needs, including non-verbally, and to respond appropriately. Through interactions with attuned primary caregivers, we develop the capacity, over time, to self-regulate well. Regulating is the process allowing the nervous system to go through stress or emotions and to be soothed and come back to calmness. If our parents don't have that capacity themselves, or if it's being disrupted for various reasons, we don't learn ideally.

And that can have an impact on how we related to others. Typically, it can lead to various difficulties in forming satisfying and stable intimate relationships later in life.

However, the good news is that it can be developed in adulthood. In sessions together we use tools which support the nervous system to return to calmness, as we meet the emotions that may come up in relation to attachment issues. Together we create a space to feel what's alive in us fully and safely, without pushing it away, until it feels fully resolved. For some people this process can be akin to 'reparenting the Self".

Gradually we develop a new capacity for regulating and for relating. Our attachment style can evolve to what is known as 'earned secure attachment'.

If you find you are experiencing difficulties relating and you feel it could be linked to attachment issues, and you'd like to know more about working together, get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you !

Image credit: Birmingham Museums Trust